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How to transform your personal pain into power like Nina in The Vanishing Café

I love the title of this blog, it just made me smile as it came to me this morning on the tube, heading to work. Yes, how do your transform your personal pain into power? This is the subject of several books, so for the purposes of this blog, I’m going to keep it short and sweet. And I’m talking about emotional pain - the kind of emotions that can cripple you, such as anger, fear, guilt or grief - which is what Nina, the narrator in my novel, The Vanishing Café, felt after the death of her grandmother. So here are the steps towards resolving it:
  1. Acknowledge that there is an issue. What is the emotion that is prevalent in your life? Of course, you can only do something once you realise it is there and it is having an effect in some way in your daily life.
  2. Seek help in addressing it, whether this is with a professional therapist or anger management course or by seeking support and advice through a family member or friend first. Unfortunately, you can go through a few therapists or counsellors before you find the one that suits you. Find a budget to suit you and a person who you find inspirational too!
  3. Build a network of support around you, people you trust to be there - helping you out, other than your therapist/counsellor etc, who you can trust and who you can talk to about the issues. Often, these are friends and not family members. In The Vanishing Café, Nina spoke about her grief to Eric the Buddhist - he also understood that the café had magical elements to it and James, the older man who she rented the room from in central London. People you can offload on and who don’t mind it, as you go through your healing process.
  4. Be prepared to go through a healing process that can take a while. Aside from having a support network around you - those lovely people you can pick up the phone to and rely on, take up a hobby you enjoy to keep yourself sane. I started meditating and helping others to learn about meditation, when I dealt with some past anger issues.
  5. The most important one of all - relax and be kind to yourself! Sometimes we are so relentless on ourselves without realising it. No one is perfect and if you feel your issues creeping back up, relax. Until you learn to process your thoughts, feelings and emotions and transform them, it will take time! Be patient with yourself and reward yourself.
  6. I highly recommend meditation as a great tool to self-manage mind, body & spirit. There are so many ways to do meditation - find one that suits you or contact me directly for further information at!
Lastly, good luck dear friends! The path to healing to empower yourself can be slow or fast, however, at least you’ve embarked on that incredible journey! I wish you every success with it.


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